I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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