You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
