in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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