I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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