I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
