When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
