you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
3pm strippers are depressing
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
