I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
