WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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