I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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