we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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