This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
