We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
