new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
