I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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