Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
