if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
