Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
