omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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