I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
