yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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