While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
