dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
