he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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