True but thats because hes a fetus.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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