saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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