Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We talked him into tasing himself.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
