I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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