You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
