I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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