every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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