I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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