Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
