I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
