I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
