Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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