In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
