dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
