i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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