Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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