Kiss
Puke
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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