I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
