Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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