my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
