My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
