Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
