We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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