..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
