I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
