JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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