Buhtt sex?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
