I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
