Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
