His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
