Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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