The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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