Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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