I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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